Monday, May 25, 2009


Somewhere above South Africa(n't)

Let's get some things straight here.

1] The *actual* number of people you can fit in an 11 passenger van is 25 + luggage. This is no joke. Not only am I serious, but it's not even rare or remotely bizarre. Quite normal in fact.

2] Trust me, your house does not suck. Don't believe me? Let's try an exercise: Get up. Now walk over to the nearest wall. Knock on it. Did it fall over? Is it made of cardboard? Now, go outside and look up at your roof. Is it being held down with large fruits or old spare tires? If the answer to any or all is "NO", then your house does not suck.

3] Your neighborhood does not suck. Don't believe me? Look outside your window. Is your house surrounded by any of the following: Barbed Wire, Electrified fencing, Attack dogs, or a wall no less than 8 feet in height? I'm guessing no. Well. The house where I am staying, as well as every house here, has ALL of the above.

4] Remember that time in elementary school when the black kid moved in to town and was in your class and everyone was sort of weird about it? Guess what, that was not awkward. Trust me.

5] Do you know what "necklacing" is? It's when you tie someone's hands behind their back, throw an old spare tire around their neck, fill it with gasoline, and light that shit on fire. Necklacing-to be certain-is for people whom are not interested in fucking around.

6] Monkeys are not scared of you. And they want your food. No matter what.

7] You have not lived until you have driven through S. Africa with the window down listening to THIS BAND on your iPHONE.

8] Running 56 miles in under 10 hours is beyond fucking insane. And the person who does it in 5:23 is not human. Remember that scene in Terminator where Arnold cuts his forearm open and peels the skin off and has a cybernetic endoskeleton underneath? I will bet everything that if we cut the guy who won the Comrades Marathon (56 miles) open, he will look the same.

9] When you arrive in South Africa, you do not ride an elephant to your final destination. I know, I was bummed too.

10] It is entirely possible to be vegan in South Africa. There's just one catch: IT FUCKING SUCKS.

They played La Roux in the Johanessberg Airport. La Roux! Crazy.

The Indian Ocean is warm and beautiful. Unlike all the food I have eaten in the last 4 days. 

That's Real Talk.

Ok. It's something hellish like 2am, and I have to get up in 5 hours to drive for 3 to go sport climbing at some place I can't spell. It's supposed to be magical. Many more pictures to upload. I'm learning a second language, I sound like an idiot. Newsflash I'm sure.

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